Tribes

Separate from the tribe; get away from the tribe mentality; leave the tribe behind. Caroline Myss, Wayne Dyer, probably the Buddha all emphasize this point. But where is the line between the confining, constraining tribe, and the supportive, growth-prompting tribe? And how does one find that line?

Faced with a challenging decision about work, I find that I am surrounded at all turns by those who would--well, do--reinforce my choice to be there. Problem is, I'm not sure I want to be there. But no one's going to tell me not to stay there, or even suggest I don't. It's a school, a powerful tribe. How do I individuate myself from this?

After I constructed this dilemma for myself, it occurred to me that this is not the real dilemma, not the real deal. Where I do what I do is hardly the real concern. What I do and how I do it, and why and from what place, is the goods.

So frequently I feel so selfish: single, with no kids, I complain about having no time for myself when I eat most meals alone; about not having enough sleep when I sleep at least seven hours a night. So a choice between two perfectly good work assignments seems an invented dilemma, and I'm tempted to choose based on the good of the group--if it's all the same, why not make things easy for everyone else?

But is it all the same? In the beginning it didn't seem like it, which was what got me into all of this in the first place. It seemed like one path could take me where I wanted to go. Or where I thought I wanted to go until I started thinking about it. And now I just don't know what I want.

"We awoke one day to discover that we had lost our dreams to protect our days." I have worked so hard to discover my dreams, excavate my authentic self. I don't want to forsake her--I'm just not sure where she is.